I miss...

The other night I was preparing for bed and once I finally got under the covers, I couldn't get to sleep. I reminisced endlessly about my childhood. So, I eventually promised myself to get some rest and blog about it. This is primarily a reminder about what I treasure in life so that I can reflect on it in times to come.

I miss...

Playing with Polly Pocket, Diva Starz and Barbie.

Playing with dinosaurs with my cousins.

Making up crime scenes with clues and getting others to figure them out. We used to call this game 'Monk' after the TV show.

Playing with Digimon Tamagotchies.

Building a cubby houses with my grandmother.

Watching Care Bears

Getting so excited over small things and feeling on top of the world. I still get excited over things but its not that same feeling I used to get.

Looking forward to my birthday.

Eating manoush with my dad and watching TV.

Watching Horror movies with my dad at night.

Playing the 'Jumanji' board game with my cousin Anthony.

Watching, reading Goosebumps and playing the board games.

Being obsessed with Harry Potter.

Playing playstation and actually being engrossed in it.

Spending hours at night watching Michael Jackson DVDs, interviews, film clips etc and crying and laughing, basically yearning to be his 'buddy'. I know its odd to miss crying but I do miss this part of my life.

I miss my primary school buddy, Vanessa, and the games we'd play. We made them all up.

I miss re-enacting the whole film of 'The Parent Trap' as a game with Vanessa.

I miss 'sunny boy' ice blocks.

I miss the Halloween party we had in kindergarten at my first primary school. (I went to 3).

I miss certain highschool teachers who inspired me more than they'll ever know.

I miss laughing and running around at lunchtime in highschool, while many girls would sit and gossip.

I miss 'Wonderland' and specifically, the day I went with Rachel (my cousin) and told her how much I liked her top. Not long after, she bought me a smaller version. I was about 7.

Well, they're some of the memories I hold dear. I'm glad I could share them.

Like the loss of sunlight on a cloudy afternoon...

Its been two years since Michael Jackson passed and to be honest, it's still very raw for me. No one will ever understand how he affected me not as a musician or performer but as a person. I will try and explain what he was for me. For me, he was primarily my childhood. With his death was the death of my childhood. Through my ups and downs, he was there through his messages of love, music and dancing. One may argue that they're still there. Indeed, but I naively wanted to be one of those children who would befriend him and just learn so much from him. This was actually something I thought would one day happen and with his death was the death of that hope along with the idea that there is still purity in the world.

Michael Jackson was so unbelievably misunderstood and I felt his pain. It's disconcerting to think that it is only once someone passes, that they are given the attention and love they deserve. He was not simply an icon but a father, a son, a brother, an uncle and most importantly a human being. I lost a lot of faith in humanity when I would hear people criticise him heartlessly. Few people have hearts as big and welcoming as his. He was a humanitarian. To me, he represented love, acceptance, kindness and transcendence with what he could achieve musically.

A highly intelligent and giving individual like him will never be forgotten by those who truly loved him.

Michael, you gave so much to the world. I only hope to give as much as you one day. You were are and always will be an inspirational and influential figure in my life no matter how far away you are or how close. I wanted to steer clear of cliches but I know you're in a better place where you're appreciated. You came too soon for this world. We're still in an embryonic phase and I don't think we'll be able to see and appreciate the world as you did any time soon but all I can say is that you have definitely moved people to try.

1958-Forever.

The philosophy of art?

So, I'm currently undertaking a subject at university called 'Aesthetics and Aestheticism'. I'll tell you right now that it is amazing. I finally feel like I'm participating in discussion with like minded people. Although there are a few things I disagree with and find rather contradictory, the course is enlightening.

I'm currently taking a break from reading a Ruskin article about art and landscape painting. Its wonderful, albeit, long. But the length definitely correlates with it exhaustive and comprehensive analysis. The circularity and cyclic nature of his argument echoes, in my mind, something Michael Jackson said once about children knowing all of the world's secrets and truth. They simply have the inability to verbalise what they know. Ruskin discusses a similar issue by claiming that when we look at something at first glance and it pleases us, we continue to look at it and attempt to uncover its secrets and truths on many different layers only to discover the answer brings us back to the smiplicity of the art in the first place.

I hope this was understandable. (i.e. my writing, not Ruskin). I have the habit of verbally regurgitating my thoughts in bursts of excitement without editing them over here. My apologies.

Back to the books for me.

Peace.

Reacquaintance

Wow. I really can't believe how time flies. I really thought I could keep up with the whole blogging aspect of my life but that obviously didn't work according to plan. In fact, I shamefully forgot I had this. But I really want to start writing my thoughts in this again. It's quite interesting to stumble upon something you'd forgotten existed and re-experience all the things you've written about through the simple act of reading.

At the moment, I'm laying in my bed at 12:13 AM with a mind full of too many ideas for my own good. I've never really learnt to manage all the floating thoughts I have in my head and organise them into something I'd like to write about or get up and do. I really do wish sometimes my mind would shut off and let me get some rest but there are always new things to think and wonder about.

I'm not sure if any of this was coherent. Apologies if it wasn't. Again, I do stress its very late, or early...you could say...

Anyway, Hello again to all of you! Perhaps my next blog will actually be something of consequence not mindless banter. :)

Till then, sleep well and remember to keep smiling! :)